The other morning on my walk I was thinking about relationships. And even though I could talk about break-ups or how to be a good partner I’m actually going to put more focus on your personal relationship with yourself. Throughout life we are conditioned to want a successful relationship with another person. But where does the self love fit in? I am a firm believer in self love and building a successful relationship with yourself before having one with someone outside of you.
Why is it that we idealize a relationship with a dream partner but we don’t idealize a relationship with our dream selves? That seems backwards to me. Everything we dream of saying to our partner we should be saying to ourselves first. Why wouldn’t you dote on yourself? At the end of the day you are the one person you’re with for your whole entire life, why wouldn’t you invest in your relationship with yourself? Self love is so seriously overlooked in our society. And we’re conditioned to look for it in someone else. We’ve got to learn how to become our most precious support system. I’m not talking looking out for only yourself and being as selfish as hell, I’m talking about looking within for love and not looking outwards for love or fulfillment. I mean how do you expect to have a strong healthy relationship with someone when you don’t have one with yourself?
I had a thought once, after a break-up, when a love song came on my iPod. I thought, “Well this is sad, I have no one to think about while I listen to this song.” And just like that the universe responded to me with “Sure you do, you have you.” and I was overjoyed. Why hadn’t I seen this before? Why couldn’t I be giddy and excited about myself? Yes this may sound a little silly but it only sounds silly because its not the norm. But what if we made it that way? What if self love was one of our greatest desires, just like finding our dream partner? (and I don’t mean being full of yourself, that is a whole other story)
Its all about filling yourself up with love so that you can have love pouring over into another person. I wrote a Facebook status about a month ago that says, “It’s not about finding the person that completes you, its about finding an extension of you. Someone that adds to your happy, not someone that is your happy.” And I truly believe that. Realizing that and putting an emphasis on self love has opened me up to greater happiness. Hopefully it will do the same for you!
Tori J Wilcox